/cry

Human beings, even those who are creatures of habbit, are ever changing. I dont' think anyone can help but change when faced with the differences of life everyday. The groundhog day universe doesn't exist. No day will continue over and over with ppl doing the same things.

So much is happening for me, though I could of sworn I was one of the few people from school that had not changed. I've grown some, but in the off shoot of that, I think its my outlook on people that has changed the most. I still care too much.

fuck. I'm writing in little fucking sentences trying to be all philisophical and I can't seem to get a fucking thing straight. I dont' know what I'm doing. I can't bring myself to work up in my job, won't go to school, and dont' let myself get in relationships. I have no direction to turn. I feel so abandoned but I also feel like I, myself, have abandoned the one thing that has kept me going before. My faith in god. Not that he doesn't exist, but that I haven't tried to keep contact.

I've started looking better at myself. Who cares if I'm fat? I'm tanner (thanks to the tanning bed), my butt is looking a little better because of the gym and I've been a bit happier. I swear I'm not bipolar... I swear it.... stick with me here. so I can stick with you.


anyways... My brother is getting married this friday. I so hope he's happy, I love him so much.
I'll get back on here and write about that when it happens.