Times change

Normal begining is how I'm doing. I'm doing okay. Sadly things have changed without really changing. Jacob died a few days before his due date. On Nov 12, 2008 Dawn went for a check up and learned he had died. I think the hardest thing was that the night before he had been kicking and kicking. I really can't go through the details again. It's stuck in my head and I dont want to. It's crazy how when something like this happens, your whole view on things change.

It's been a few weeks and one since his funeral. I'm kinda back to my normal self but there are moments where it hits me in the face. I close my eyes and I see his beautiful face. I remind myself that God is bigger than this and there is purpose but I'm one of the people that is pissed at abortion. I hate seeing a child hurt or die. I can't stand it. It made me helpless to see him and I can't even fathom how it made Joseph and Dawn feel. Would I survive it? They don't know if they can have another child and I wish I could know I could offer them my help. I just don't think I could hold a child in me 9 months and let him/her go. Probably makes me a horrible person. I'd bet with it but I'm usually wrong so who knows?

I'm still behind this wall of mine. Go figure.

~For Jacob Anthony~

If you asked me to die for you I would

My life has been my own to choose

If I could give up my future happiness

I would tie it up in a colored ribbon of blues

If my hands could hold yours for a second

And see your soul when you opened your eyes

I would count myself forever blessed

To be in a world where no baby dies

November 13, 2008