Life Continues

I can't exactly say it goes on. It can freeze in moments and come back to you at any time. Flashes. I saw the pictures of Jacob and of my brother yesterday morning. Dawn handed them to me at work and I just sat there looking. It seems only with Jacob can I cry without feeling my eyes fill up with tears.

People ask me how Dawn and Joseph are doing and I can only say they're doing okay or they seem to be doing better. People don't want to hear the other things and we can't exactly blame them, it's human nature. How do you explain something like this to someone who hasn't dealt with it? A parent who has lost a child can't explain to me exactly what it feels like. I can only talk to people as an Aunt.

I know my love for Katie is much deeper. I didn't think it could be, but you realize mortaily more and more with each death. You try not to think of children dying and now you have to. She scares me with her dare devil ways and her tendancy to run every where and wanting to run off in stores. Over protective aunt much? Yeah. I can say it. I am. I'm tolerated though.
I'm still on lexapro. Seems to be working. I'm too fat though. Need to go anorexic or whatever (good luck with that one huh?)


Oh well. Love much and continuing on.

Nicole